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18 November 2011 @ 08:30 am
Pregnancy dream and such.  
I had a big, huge, scary dream last night. Scary because it had me so convinced it was real or going to come true. A lot of different things happened in my dream, so I can only remember the ones that were really grabbing. This might be jumbled.

First part I remember was watching dogs run around and stuff like that. Carrie and David's dog Dakota was in this dream. She's a big, black shaggy german shepherd and her owners have been trying to get her pregnant. I thought she was wounded on her back. On closer inspection, I discovered that her sexual organs, including nipples and such, were on her back, and furthermore she was split in two along the spine.

Another part of my dream ended being a dream inside a dream. Or like my mom said when I told her about it, a nightmare. I was giving birth, and it was agonizing. I actually tried to wake myself up by screaming for my mom, but it failed to work. After that, I felt my control over the dream slipping away. At first they told me the baby was male, and then told me it was a baby girl. I started crying in joy, but also other things... agony, fear, etc.

Then I "woke up" from that dream, but was actually in just another layer of a dream. (Annoying, right?) I was visiting the college my friend was attending. To make things more fun, I was still dealing with the shame of having dropped out of my own college. Anyhow, I saw a lot of friends in that part of my dream. They were all doing well and adjusted to their lives. Meanwhile I was running around freaked about my dream of giving birth, because I thought it was entirely possible. For one, I've certainly gained a lot of weight in real life, and there was a while where I missed my period. However, I forgot the fact that I am currently ON my period, and made up a "fact" that when I was in college I went to a party and blacked out (didn't happen at all).

A couple more things - at my friend's college, there was a huge concert happening in their football stadium (I don't think they actually have a STADIUM). I also kept literally running through the innards of a ship (like my college) that was full of regimental students and the ship was in like a pretend war practice mode and kept leaving port, in a loop. I'd make my way through and then end up jumping off the back either into the water, or back onto the dock in time. I did this a handful of times while I was looking for the nurse.

I spent the entirety of that dream trying to find pregnancy tests, and then subsequently trying to find a private bathroom. For some reason in my dreams, bathrooms end up being more like locker rooms crossed with fast-food restaurant booths. It's really weird and awkward because it means you end up peeing or whatever with someone right next to you. Naturally, the bathroom always has tons of co-ed seating, and tons of people scattered all over the place. So even though I could get a place to pee, I'm too skittish to do it, while no one else has the same issue. On top of the normal issues that means I have (fear of opening up to people, being sexual I guess) I also wanted a place to be alone when my test result came in. I had no doubt that it would be positive and I would break down crying. BUT, even though I feared it, I had that psychic feeling that it would be a baby girl... and for once in my life I wanted to keep her even if I was pregnant, even though I was terrified.

I woke up before I could actually use my test.

Let me repeat that there is no way I could be pregnant. But obviously it's own my mind. The thing is, I grabbed a pamphlet about adopting a child a while ago. I've always considered adoption, but I've also hated kids quite a bit. I think that hate is changing now. And being an adult finally, I'm more seriously considering adopting an older child. Obviously I still have some deep concerns about the whole thing.

My mom has me worried, too. I woke up and told her about my dream of giving birth. She told me that if you dream something three times, it'll come true. This is the second time I've dreamt about having a baby girl, to my memory. Although last time I was really apathetic about her and was going to give her away. This time I felt more attached. Ew, I'm becoming motherly. :P
 
 
Mood: worriedworried
Music: my kitten purring